About a week ago I was staring at Ella, desperately trying to will her to stop crying when the reason for her misery suddenly dawned on me: she was pissed off. About what, you ask? About being yanked out of my womb. Her time in utero had been cut short and she was furious.
Her reluctance to exit her heavenly (if I may say so myself) abode should have been obvious to me from the beginning, afterall, it took over 12 hours of labor inducing drugs to get her out. And then, who could forget her screaming fits immediately after birth? Or her extreme fussiness thereafter? The signs were all there, clear as day.
For further evidence, please see Exhibit A below.
This, dear friends, is the face of misery.
Believe you me, given the option, both Ella and I would have opted for a reverse procedure to stuff her back into the dwelling that she loved oh-so-much.
There is nothing more upsetting than realizing that you are not enjoying the first few months of motherhood as much as you thought you would. Your emotions run the gamut: confusion, sadness, guilt, shame…it SUCKS. And then you have terrifying moments when you wonder if you will EVER enjoy this new life and gasp because you realize that your life may suck for the next 18 years!!! People tried to tell me that the colic/fussiness would eventually go away. EVENTUALLY?! I wanted to punch someone.
Then, a few days ago, something miraculous happened. She. Stopped. Crying. It’s like she woke up one morning and thought, Screw it. It looks like I’m out here to stay. I guess I better make the most of it. And just like that, motherhood started to become the happy adventure that I had envisioned it to be.
During those days when I was deep in the trenches in my battle to get Ella to at least try and be happy here, I wish someone would have told me It’s ok to NOT enjoy this. Who would?! The first few weeks or months with your baby may suck…BIG TIME. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your baby or that you’re a horrible mother. It just sucks. That’s all. So, take a deep breath. Have a bar of chocolate or a bucket of fried chicken or a glass of wine and know that this too shall pass. Happy days are right around the corner.
There. I hope these words help somebody out there, someday.
Good deed for the day, check.