Misery, Motherhood and Miracles

About a week ago I was staring at Ella, desperately trying to will her to stop crying when the reason for her misery suddenly dawned on me: she was pissed off. About what, you ask? About being yanked out of my womb. Her time in utero had been cut short and she was furious.

Her reluctance to exit her heavenly (if I may say so myself) abode should have been obvious to me from the beginning, afterall, it took over 12 hours of labor inducing drugs to get her out. And then, who could forget her screaming fits immediately after birth? Or her extreme fussiness thereafter? The signs were all there, clear as day.

 For further evidence, please see Exhibit A below.


This, dear friends, is the face of misery.

Believe you me, given the option, both Ella and I would have opted for a reverse procedure to stuff her back into the dwelling that she loved oh-so-much.

There is nothing more upsetting than realizing that you are not enjoying the first few months of motherhood as much as you thought you would. Your emotions run the gamut: confusion, sadness, guilt, shame…it SUCKS. And then you have terrifying moments when you wonder if you will EVER enjoy this new life and gasp because you realize that your life may suck for the next 18 years!!! People tried to tell me that the colic/fussiness would eventually go away. EVENTUALLY?! I wanted to punch someone.

Then, a few days ago, something miraculous happened. She. Stopped. Crying. It’s like she woke up one morning and thought, Screw it. It looks like I’m out here to stay. I guess I better make the most of it. And just like that, motherhood started to become the happy adventure that I had envisioned it to be.

During those days when I was deep in the trenches in my battle to get Ella to at least try and be happy here, I wish someone would have told me It’s ok to NOT enjoy this. Who would?! The first few weeks or months with your baby may suck…BIG TIME. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your baby or that you’re a horrible mother. It just sucks. That’s all. So, take a deep breath. Have a bar of chocolate or a bucket of fried chicken or a glass of wine and know that this too shall pass. Happy days are right around the corner.

There. I hope these words help somebody out there, someday.

Good deed for the day, check.

11 Comments on Misery, Motherhood and Miracles

  1. 3CB
    January 24, 2011 at 12:54 am (7 years ago)


  2. Amanda
    January 24, 2011 at 2:23 am (7 years ago)

    I will file the above in my memory and pull it out when needed in the future. Thanks, in advance, for helping me feel a little better. 🙂

    In the meantime, even when she’s crying, she’s cute. Granted, that’s a picture, and I can’t hear the noise…but she looks cute. So I can only imagine now that she’s not crying what she must be like. Enjoy enjoy enjoy!

    And congrats on making it through to this point!

    • greencalabash
      January 24, 2011 at 3:27 pm (7 years ago)

      Hopefully your experience will be better! But regardless, I’ll be here for you when the time comes 🙂

  3. farmgal
    January 24, 2011 at 3:16 am (7 years ago)

    Very true! very true! I was talking to a mum who was at breaking point when her baby arrived late last year. She told be she wished someone had told her how difficult it is to be a mum cos then she would not have become one so soon. Kept telling her it gets better and sure enough it has gotten better.

    • greencalabash
      January 24, 2011 at 3:35 pm (7 years ago)

      Awww, I’m glad she’s having an easier time now. Things can be so rough in the beginning but nothing lasts forever, especially bad times.

  4. wambui
    January 24, 2011 at 3:46 am (7 years ago)

    Yay!!! Ella has stopped crying, that is awesome. Its now time to ENJOY motherhood!!! 🙂

    • greencalabash
      January 24, 2011 at 3:31 pm (7 years ago)

      I KNOW!!!!! Things can only go up from here.

  5. Carol
    January 24, 2011 at 5:04 pm (7 years ago)

    YAY for you. I did write on this very blog that the misery will end. So glad it has, I have 3 kids so I know. Over the next few years though there will be days you will want to send her away if only for a while but those moments are few and far in between. She will make you know love like you have never experienced. Please blog about her first giggle, it is just heavenly.

    • greencalabash
      January 28, 2011 at 5:19 pm (7 years ago)

      Yes, Carol, and I thank you for that. I needed to hear it over and over again. I think I heard a little chuckle this week !!

  6. Mrs M
    January 25, 2011 at 11:20 am (7 years ago)

    Thanks for sharing and for letting us know about your experiences being a first time mum. I hope it gets better as I’m sure it will. I agree, there is no rush to motherhood, it’s a complete life changer and unless you’re ready for it, it can be daunting and borderline depressing.


  7. Nikkita Cole
    February 2, 2011 at 6:04 am (7 years ago)

    It is people like you who inspire others by telling their stories honestly. I admire your courage for sharing this so openly, putting yourself open for ‘judgement’. Hats off. I am a mom. It was easy for me. I loved it from day one. But you see, we rarely have it all. I am a single mom so God must’ve thought, let me spare her this. Plus, I lost my mom almost 13 years ago and I was terrified at the thought of doing ‘this’ alone.

    You’ve got a loving hubby and I can assure you even though I don’t have that, I believe that that’s the one most important person to walk you through this journey. So, in the end we’re greatful. For even though we may not have it all, we also don’t lack it all. Enjoy. She’s a beauty 🙂


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