Dear Baby

Dear Baby, 

Hi. It’s me, your mother. I don’t think we’ve been formerly introduced yet which I think is totally weird, given that you’re inside of me and everything. I won’t take up too much of your time…I just have a few things that I wanted to run by you, if that’s ok? 

I’m fully aware that you’re cramped in there. I appreciate the fact that you need to stretch from time to time. But seriously. Is all the kicking really necessary? One kick I can deal with, maybe even two…but the barrage of kicks at 3 o’clock in the morning is getting to be a major problem. And then there’s this thing you recently started doing that feels like you’re tickling or poking me with your fingers. That’s really cute and I’m happy that your fingers are in proper working condition but it feels really, really weird because your hands are directly above a very delicate area of mine (in about 10 years we’ll have a discussion about girl parts. ‘Delicate area’ or some other lame term will have to suffice until I find something else because this woman called Oprah who may or may not be relevant in your time, officially ruined the word Vajayjay for all of us). 

The doctor says that you weigh 4 lbs now. Congratulations! I must admit that I was secretly hoping for a ridiculous figure, say, upwards of 10 lbs to account for the 16 lbs that I’ve gained so far. Oh well.

I hear that you take occasional gulps of amniotic fluid (Euuwww) and can taste some of the food I eat. I hope you know that the ONLY reason that I’m currently eating my second strawberry filled donut and drinking hot chocolate at 11 pm is out of my deep, unfailing love for you.  Steamed broccoli would have been my preferred choice. *cough*

That’s all for now. Thanks for listening. You can go back to…to doing whatever you do in there when you’re not attacking my internal organs. 

See you soon,

Mommy

PS -> I know that I b*tch a lot about stuff, but in all honesty kiddo, you are TOTALLY worth it. And I mean that.

23 Comments on Dear Baby

  1. Dutta
    September 30, 2010 at 8:58 am (7 years ago)

    Shiku this is by far the most beautiful letter to your unborn. Is she really tickling you over there?-ati Delicate Area!
    She probably getting you back for *** w/hubby! oh no I didn’t go there, oh well I just did. Ok will stay to her stretching.

    Love this.
    shes growing 4Ibs.

    Reply
  2. Amanda
    September 30, 2010 at 9:58 am (7 years ago)

    ahaha! great letter!

    Reply
  3. farmgal
    September 30, 2010 at 10:54 am (7 years ago)

    awwww

    Reply
  4. Clare "AfricanQueen" K
    September 30, 2010 at 11:44 am (7 years ago)

    When she’s grown she’ll be laughing at these posts. I like the “”

    Reply
    • thegreencalabash
      September 30, 2010 at 5:50 pm (7 years ago)

      I hope so. Either that or she’ll sue me for violating her privacy.

      Reply
  5. Shiz
    September 30, 2010 at 2:44 pm (7 years ago)

    awww, she’s a feisty one, that one!

    Reply
  6. Mumbi
    September 30, 2010 at 5:56 pm (7 years ago)

    Aaaaw!! on behalf of your kicking daughter, cute and adorale letter but the kicking and the heartburns must go on!

    Reply
    • thegreencalabash
      October 2, 2010 at 1:19 am (7 years ago)

      Yaani, no sympathy! 🙂 It’s ok, I can survive a few more weeks of this. I hope.

      Reply
  7. wairimu njiru
    October 1, 2010 at 4:13 am (7 years ago)

    Ciku you are a fabuluos writer, you should actually write a book or something……..been reading your blogs, and actually sent a very good friend of mine to read you blogs as well, we are both avid readers

    Congratulations on the baby, babies are blessing from God, and i soo know and your letter to your little one, went through the same interesting kicks and tickles……….

    Will be looking forward to reading more from you

    Reply
    • thegreencalabash
      October 2, 2010 at 1:22 am (7 years ago)

      Aww, thanks Wairimu! I’ll be looking forward to your expert mommy advice 🙂

      Reply
  8. kellie
    October 1, 2010 at 7:01 am (7 years ago)

    This is such a sweet letter. Tickling the delicate parts from within. hihihi!!

    Reply
    • thegreencalabash
      October 2, 2010 at 1:24 am (7 years ago)

      Thanks Kellie! It’s funny how they neglect to prepare you for some of this stuff!

      Reply
  9. the older cousin
    October 4, 2010 at 1:03 pm (7 years ago)

    lmao i’ve rolled on the floor laughing my ass off. i wish there was an acronym for that! you crack me up cuz. when’s the tenant vacating the premises by the way? in the meantime try doing hand stands to create some distance between your erm, “delicate area” & the sticky fingers!?

    Reply
    • thegreencalabash
      October 5, 2010 at 1:26 pm (7 years ago)

      Eviction notice has been served! Tenant must vacate by Nov 7th. Hand stands would be a very good solution if only her feet weren’t already stuck between my ribs :-/

      Reply
  10. MsAfropolitan
    October 4, 2010 at 3:59 pm (7 years ago)

    you’re pulling on my heartstrings here!

    beautiful words sis

    Reply
    • thegreencalabash
      October 5, 2010 at 1:20 pm (7 years ago)

      Thanks Ms. A! I have my moments…when I’m not preoccupied with whining that is.

      Reply
  11. Roberta
    October 8, 2010 at 12:43 am (7 years ago)

    Awww…… I’ve got tears in my eyes. This is so awesome, you actually have me wishing I had a baby to talk to like that. BTW when and how did Oprah go and ruin ‘vajayjay’ for us? I didn’t get the memo. LOL!

    Reply
    • thegreencalabash
      October 8, 2010 at 9:54 pm (7 years ago)

      I’ve got love for Oprah like every other red-blooded woman but my goodness, if she shouts “Vaaaahhhh-jaaaay-jaaaay!” one more time I will strangle myself. I’m experimenting with the word Jayni (Jah-ee-ni) instead…don’t think it’ll catch on though.

      Reply
  12. Sarah
    October 11, 2010 at 1:36 pm (7 years ago)

    You are hilarious, Shiko! I say screw the business thing and become a journalist! You are a great writer.

    Reply
    • thegreencalabash
      October 11, 2010 at 10:52 pm (7 years ago)

      Thanks Sarah. Although, it would seem that the business thing screwed me first already.

      Reply
  13. Shekyn
    October 15, 2010 at 2:12 am (7 years ago)

    I am such a cryer. LOL. For some reason, this peace made me cry. If there is anything that has made me read almost every piece, on your blog (I’m getting round to reading ALL of your blogs) is the fact that you send out such positive vibes. 🙂

    Reply
  14. EK13
    February 23, 2011 at 6:25 pm (7 years ago)

    *tears* Why didn’t I think of this? lol

    Do you miss the kicking now? hehehehe

    Reply

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