The next mom who tells me that their 5 month old sleeps through the night is going to get a fork in the eye. Are you drugging your baby? No? Then what the hell. Why won’t MY child sleep for more than 2 hour stretches at night? Hmm? Somebody tell me why. Ella had gotten to the point where she was waking up only twice during the night and then, suddenly, she decided that she prefers to pop her eyes open every couple of hours to see how my night is progressing. She’ll fuss and complain and cry until I go to her, at which point she looks up at me like You’re up TOO?! Yay! Sooo….how about a boob? Then she proceeds to feed for all of 6 minutes before falling asleep for another 2 hours. I spend the entire night whipping my boobs in and out. Is there a boob equivalent of whiplash? Because I totally have it… booblash?
I’ve heard that this sleep regression could last as long as one year *blank stare*. People. This bears repeating. ONE YEAR. I’ll just take this moment right here to deliver a Public Service Announcement to all you freaky ones out there: WRAP. IT. UP.