Babies Don’t Grow On Trees

Let me tell you a thing: This business of baby production ain’t cheap.  The gravity of that statement is hitting me bit by bit, as I get further into my budgeting ahead of D-Day.

Now, you would think that since I’ve been down this road before, that I would be a pro at this. You would think that I would be breezing through this thing, belly first, with no problems.

Alas, I remember next to nothing about my previous pregnancy and newborn experience.

It’s been such a long time since I went through this whole process that it’s almost as if somebody else was pregnant the last time around. I might as well be doing this for the first time. In the unforgettable words of a certain red-haired Wildling girl: I know nothing.

I, am Jon Snow.

I, am Jon Snow.


At my very first doctor’s appointment, my OB/GYN was quick to ask me if I knew the extent of my maternity insurance cover. I knew nothing. She then went ahead to tell me to budget for a cool 300K because that would be the approximate cost of the worst case scenario – a C-section delivery.

Delivery could cost as little as 150K if all went well, she said, but to be on the safe side, I needed to have the tidy sum of three hundred thousand Kenyan shillings tucked safely away in my bank account. (This ended up being vital information because as it turned out, my maternity cover is complete crap)

And that was just the beginning.

You see, at 5 years old, Ella is pretty much a grown woman and neither she nor I remember where any of her baby stuff is. What was not left behind in the States when we moved back to Kenya has been tossed out, lost or otherwise destroyed during the 3 years that we’ve been here. There are no hand-me-downs to be given. Everything will have to be bought. From scratch.

I wish I could say that I knew where to start with this costly pregnancy/newborn shopping list but let me remind you who I am in this story:

I am Jon Snow. And I know nothing.

I am Jon Snow. And I know nothing.


In my defense, I have never given birth or experienced the baby stage in Kenya (Ella was born abroad), so I’ve actually never had to do this before here. I was therefore beside myself with relief when I stumbled upon just what I needed on a local company’s Facebook page. They had put together pregnancy and newborn checklists for Kenyan moms-to-be!

Hallelujah! I was saved!

But tafadhali, please, take a look at how many things we are going to need. JUST LOOK.

Pregnancy Checklist

Baby Registry 1


Baby Registry 2Baby Registry 3


I will have to take it one day at a time and get these items very slowly over the next 4 months.

I can only hope that our bank account survives this ordeal. What’s the going rate for kidneys on the black market these days?

Clearly, money babies don’t grow on trees.


6 Comments on Babies Don’t Grow On Trees

  1. Brendah Mukiisa
    August 7, 2016 at 2:44 pm (2 years ago)

    You don’t need all those things funny enough. I can tell you for free and with confidence that you should stick to the most important things.

    About the hospital budget for more than 300k. Do 400k. I was also told 300k and the day first being dishared bill was 480k

    • Shiko
      August 7, 2016 at 3:20 pm (2 years ago)

      480k?!!! Ohhhmyyygaaash

    • Winfred
      August 8, 2016 at 12:22 pm (2 years ago)

      Brenda you have me on all levels of panic with the 480k, were there complications? like did baby have to be in the incubator or NICU? on a light note, were you in princess zahra?

  2. Ms. Muthoni
    August 7, 2016 at 4:20 pm (2 years ago)

    I know right. I thought I was ready but I’m nowhere near ready. I would however recommend buying from Mothercare UK, they normally have sales and you can get a milk sterilizer, 6 bottles, warmer etc. as a pack and you just pay a bit under 9k which is way cheaper than buying locally because the items are sold separately which makes it way more expensive. And don’t worry about clearance, get a contact from one of the clearing guys in eastleigh. Depending on what you’ve bought it could take the goods 2 months to get to you. I do however stand to be corrected on this there could be reliable resellers I just haven’t found any.

  3. Shikie
    August 8, 2016 at 9:03 am (2 years ago)

    That hospital bill story is so true!! Budget 4soc minimum. Also discovered my cover was utter shit and only ended covering LESS than quarter of our bill! Went in ready pop a baby out of my nunu (the cheapest version) and end up with an emergency CS…The most expensive of them all.

  4. Nemo Gee
    October 2, 2016 at 5:32 pm (1 year ago)


    Dont go crazy when buying stuff for you and baby. Yes, save the money but dont go on a shopping spree just yet.

    First Time Mummy and we are two and half months in. Little man has already graduated to the next size of diapers, so Dont get too many of those. Also,your little bundle of joy may be allergic to some brands so Dont go overboard too.

    With clothes, Dont buy too many new born sizes he could be waaay bigger than the teeny tiny clothes you buy.

    Start oiling those nips now. Right now!

    I’ve got so much to share with you but I don’t want to take over the green calabash.

    Enjoy the journey na bless 🙂


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