I came across a hilarious video on Huffington Post this week about how there are 5 different types of moms: The PTA Mom (goody two shoes), The Parenting Expert Mom (know it all), The Crunchy Mom (organic health nut), The Hipster Mom (hippie) and my personal favorite, The Poop Or Chocolate Mom (who is a bit of a mess and can never figure out if the stain on her shirt is poop or chocolate).
I loved watching this video! It made me cackle and also got me thinking about all the other types of moms that there are out here. So, I put together my own list of 5 different moms that I’ve come across:
1.The Competitive Mom
This mom makes it a priority for her and her kids to be the best at everything. They live to outshine in every way, shape and form. If you mention that your 5 year old has just learned how to read, she’ll gently remind you that her 3 year old reads the Constitution of Kenya daily from cover to cover. If you hint that you’re about to start walking for exercise, she’ll show you medals from her last 3 marathons. She can’t help it, she was born to excel. Word of advice: don’t try and compete. Accept her as she is and be sure to applaud (from your 2nd place position) as she collects her gold medals.
2. The Sacrificial Lamb
She hasn’t had a night out since her children were born (8 years ago). When you ask about her plans for the weekend she’s quick to remind you that she only gets time to herself when she’s at the salon or grocery shopping at Nakumatt. The last time she spoiled herself was when she bought an extra mandazi at work. One might listen to her and vow to never have children (One might even run to the bathroom and rip out one’s ovaries to be sure). When she talks about her many sacrifices, it makes you wonder if you’re a selfish mom. You, with your frequent lunch dates and spontaneous orders from Backyard Shoez. But know this, that life of sacrifice makes her feel like a good mom. It’s not for everyone.
3. The Hardcore Mom
You can never be as tough as she is and you know it. To start with, she delivered all 5 of her children without any medication and with little help from the doctor. She doesn’t understand the concept of time-out and wonders why you don’t just chapa your whiny little child with a slipper. She laughs when you talk about the tooth fairy and other “Western nonsense”. She reminds you constantly that women have been mothering for years without any help from online parenting forums and mommy blogs (she doesn’t read yours by the way). She calls you a New Age mom. When you’re at her place, you’re tempted to tone down on the cuddles with your little one, but then they get a boo boo and you can’t help but swoop in to give “magic doctor kisses”, much to her disgust.
4. The Beautiful Mom
Everything about her life is beautiful. Her and her beautiful husband produced beautiful children. They live together in their beautiful house with all their beautiful clothes and shoes. Her Facebook page is like a magazine, constantly updated with photos of her family looking beautiful in different beautiful places. Everyone who comments on her photos says the same thing: #GOALS. You don’t know if she actually makes an effort to have a beautiful life or if it all just comes naturally. What you do know, is that when you meet her and her family all dressed in beautiful matching Easter Sunday outfits, you want to grab your t-shirt-wearing husband and children, and hide. Because all she does is give you pressure. And nobody needs that kind of pressure, especially on Easter Sunday.
5. The YOLO Mom
She makes motherhood look easy. She never seems to sweat the small stuff and doesn’t even seem to have small stuff to sweat! She’s the type of mom that would go on a road trip to Turkana with her 2 year old. The type of mom who has never let motherhood kill her wild side. She’ll sip on a glass of whiskey and supervise her son’s homework while watching Game of Thrones and cooking biryani for her man. She’s the one that pushes the girls to get together for a night out. She lives a full life and pushes you to live one too. Because of her, you try to remember that you’re not just “Mummyyyy”, you’re you too. And your happiness is just as important as everyone else’s.
That’s my list of 5, and I’m glad to know at least one of each of these different types of moms. They are my sisters, cousins and friends. And though we may be worlds apart in terms of personality, we are connected to each other by the simplest and strongest bond of all – motherhood.